I Can't believe it's May already. Just a quick post on my life. I've been having lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. I've been working really hard on getting things in order. I've been thinking about Caleb an awful lot for some reason. That's irrelevant though. It just makes me feel a little guilty and then I doubt my relationship. I'm so detached from the relationship anymore.... The good news is that I'm finally getting out of these horrible over night shifts. My last night is Saturday and then I'm taking a mini sabbatical while I finish the process of finding an apartment. Then I'm going to pick up some part time serving hours, then maybe go back to the hotel, or a different one depending. I'm so glad to finally see the light at the end of the dark dark tunnel. Man I don't know why I've been thinking about Caleb... ugh. OH!!!! Everybody needs to check Utada out!!!! Her new CD "This is the One" Is AWESOME!!!! I am SO glad she's doing better this time around in America. Being one of the top selling artists in Japan it's hard to believe it took her three English albums for her to be recognized!!! Well, I think that's all I have for now. I'm sorry I'm really tired -_- I need to get to sleep!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE A PC THAT CONNECTS TO THE INTERNET AGAIN!!!!! w00t w00t

Wow it's been a long ass time. I don't even know if anyone posts anymore. LoL people you need to keep in touch!!!

I wrote an entry but decided to keep it private... Sometimes I feel like I'm going to break down from all this stress... Why do I feel like I can't handle it anymore? I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing makes sense. I don't even know what I want anymore. What are you supposed to do when almost everything in your life needs to change but there's no way to do it? Ugh. I just try to keep smiling and thinking positive. I need a new job. And a new man. A new place. Yeah...

So work is totally fun!!! I started my new job and I love it!!! I'm back in the hotel business, working as the Comfor Inn's Auditor. YAY!!! I knew all that hotel experience would pay off. Right now I'm just waiting for 4AM to roll around so I can give the first wake up calls and start cooking breakfast. Tonight's been pretty easy-going. I got my laptop up for auction on eBay so that will bring in a couple extra hundred dollars.

I'm still fighting with the Baymont. For anyone who didn't get to read about it, basically it was the WORST hotel I have ever stayed at and for 100$ a night I think that it is UNACCEPTABLE! First night their wireless internet was out, no big deal. The room was SO freaking humid and hot and stuffy, and there were bugs in it. The next morning I go in to take a shower and guess what? The water is shut off!!! I call the front desk and ask how long it will be turned off for, she told me 30 minutes. 45 minutes later the water came back on..... but it was rustic BROWN water. EEEWWWWWWW!!!! Maintenance came up to the room and sat there and WATCHED the water for 10 minutes until it semi cleared up, and then said it should be okay now. -_-; Then the next day the internet went out again, but that was the least of my problems. For the rest of the stay the water tasted and smelled like chlorine. More bugs got in the room, and I finally found out how, there was a hole in the screen of out window! Bah!!! So anyways, when I check out I told the Front Desk clerk everything that happened and she apologized and said that the manager wasn't in but she would give me compensation when she returned. She gave me her business card as well. SO!!!!!!! When I finally FINALLY get a hold of her (TINA GOODWIN) after four days of her not being there, Tina straight up called me a LIAR, told me I made everything up and there was no brown water at all and I was making it up. I told her I still had a bottle of that water and she said "Yeah right, where ever you got that water from wasn't here". I told her that Maintenance was up there looking at the brown water and she said "Well that's news to me, I never heard about that!" I told her I couldn't believe how rude she was being and for being a manager of a guest hospitality service, she wasn't treating her guests well at all, and she should do something out of her own good will to TRY and make it better. She then said VERY SARCASTICALLY "Oh, okay, well then I'll give you ten dollars back as a 'good will' gesture, and then told me she didn't have time to deal with me. I told her that was unacceptable, she said "Oh, okay then, 50 dollars and that's it" and then she hung up!!!!! O-M-F-G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to this day after going through customer service reps and supervisors, NOBODY Can do anything for me since the hotels are individually owned, but "the problem was forwarded to the owner" And NOONE HAS CALLED ME OR CONTACTED ME IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM!!!!!

What the hell am I supposed to do about this?!?!?! I WORK AT A HOTEL YOU IDIOT!!! YOU DON'T TREAT GUESTS THAT WAY!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Well anyways, lol. Sorry about that it's just been so long already and nothing has been resolved. Well, I think I'm going to go smoke a cigarette and start on breakfast. Weeeeeee!!!

I don't really know why it's been so long since I've posted anything. I really haven't had much time. My new job is amazing. This time of year is always a little strange for me. I'm just really trying to get everything in my life together. My summer class is going great so far. It's about half way through. I'm so worn out all the time lol this 8-5 crap is tiring. 2 more weeks and then my 3:30-Midnight shifts will start. Gotta love the pay differential. Well, I know this is short but I really need to get some homework done, but I figured I'd post since I was on-line anyways.

So I have some fairly good news!!! I got a letter in the mail two days ago saying my court date for getting off of probation is the 27th of December. I got in touch with my Public Defender last week to set it up, and she got right on it. I'm so happy!!! Plus I'm eligible to get my driver's license reinstated TOMORROW! YAY! Whew~ I've been cleaning for awhile now, and I'm sitting down to take a quick break. Things have been as good as they can. I'm just ready to get my life back! It really sucks not being able to do ANYTHING!!! I've most definitely learned my lesson, That's for sure!! I had today off of work so it's really nice being able to spend some time to myself. I haven't had that in awhile. It's rather depressing to be stuck at home and not able to go anywhere or hang out with anyone. Blah. Well, I guess I'll get back to cleaning. BLAH lol

I am so sorry it's been so long!!! I'm finally done with Community Service and Alcohol Education classes and the Drug and Alcohol Therapy! Super excited about that! I'm still on probation and still having to go to AA meetings and do drug testing and all that jazz. I don't know if I'm just getting my hopes up for nothing, but at the end of this month is my next PO meeting... and it's usually at the BEGINNING of the month. I told my PO (probation officer) last time that I'm starting up school at the beginning of December (which I am hopefully) and that everything else that was required of me was almost completed. So I'm hoping that she's going to let me off early! If not though, I have a backup plan to contact my Public Defender and ask her to set up an appeal in front of a judge. The odds would be for me since I have all my probation stuff done and I'm starting school plus I've held a job the whole time. I really hope so. The bad news is they revoked my Employment Driving Permit since I didn't take a Driving Improvement Course. Nobody at the DMV told me about this, and I get my real license back in a month so I don't think I'm going to apply for the permit again. I just paid $714 and I still owe $360 that I plan on paying as soon as I get the money, and then all my fines will be paid off as well. That total does not include the $749 for the Monday night therapy and the $80 for the Alcohol Ed. class and the $50 for my Emplyment permit and the $125 I will have to pay for my real license in December. Needless to say I'm fucking BROKE. ;_;

Anyways... I just got done hardcore cleaning my room. It looks pretty nice and it smells good thanks to the incense! Things are going okay for me. I've been kind of down but that's to be expected. I don't ever get out of the house except for work and AA. I don't get to see my friends, I can't go drive to think. (Which I love doing and miss so much) I'm just really bored. I feel like my life is on hold right now. I'm the type of person who really likes to keep learning and moving forward in my life, and that hasn't been happening. I'm really excited about school. I'm taking Japanese and Study of Human Sexuality which I think will be really interesting. The following semester I'll continue with Japanese and take Abnormal Psychology. I might take up a seasonal position at Omaha Steaks. They pay pretty good and I need some extra cash for the Holiday season. I'll be really busy but I don't mind. It'll just be for awhile. I could probably do some homework at that job if needed. I just can't wait to get off of probation. I want to smoke again. I don't really want to drink that much anymore. Blah. Well, I hope everyone is doing good. Levi was at work all day which is why I was cleaning ^_^ but please comment and let me know how you're doing!!! Love you all!

So I just finished a 7 day work binge, and now I am EXHAUSTED! I'm so pooped I can't even sleep. I received my coaches apron today at work, which is nice. They are working me to the bone! The past seven days I have pulled doubles every day except one, which was Saturday and I closed the store. I'm so tired. I took some time off next week so I can get my community service done. I haven't gone to any Alcoholics Anonymous meetings this month and I am scared what probation will say. I've just been working WAY too much!! I simply do not have time to. I hardly get to see Levi anymore it feels like. Not to mention my social life is non existent. I'm really scared about probation. I'm really trying so hard to get everything done, but it just isn't happening. I'm sober, I'm staying out of trouble, I have a good job that I've kept for almost 4 months, I'm registering for classes this winter, and I've gone to AA except for this month, which is because we were so short handed at work they couldn't let me off. Ugh. I just need a few days off to collect myself. I don't even have time to think. I have so much I feel like I need to get done and not nearly enough time to do it. I can't even keep care of myself and groom myself as much as I would like to. I swear if I go to the bathroom I'll be late for work! I wake up, open the restaurant, get off at 3, drive home, go back at 5, get off at 10, drive home, go to sleep, get up, repeat process. There is just SO much I need to do, so much I want to do that I know I won't be able to... oh well. Like I said I just need to collect myself. Well, that's about all that's going on right now. Work. Hope everyone is doing well. Let me know!

>_< Grrrrrrrr!!!! OMG THREE PEOPLE JUST QUIT TODAY!!! Well, one put in her two weeks but the others just up and QUIT! This sucks and now I know they are going to try and get me to work all the fucking time... I can't do that! Probation comes first and I have NOT been getting it done like I should. I work too much! I don't even have a life anymore! I have no free time and it really makes me depressed... I love work. Today I made 100 bucks in tips all day, but still it wears me out so much. I work from 10 in the morning until almost 10 at night. With only an hour or two in between shifts, which of course isn't enough time to do anything significant! Especially when it takes me at least 20 minutes to get to work!!! Like today I had less than an hour, I had to run home, pick Levi up cuz he had to work, and then we went back to work!!!! GRAWR! NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING!!! NOW WE ARE EVEN MORE SHORT HANDED THAN BEFORE?!?!?!?!?!?!? They don't give us ANY incentive to work there. I need to talk to them about this. I just don't even know what to say! I'm so INFURIATED right now about all this crap it's making me sick to my stomach for reals. PLUS I have to OPEN tomorrow AND I HAVE TO WORK ALL DAY TOMORROW TOO!!!! It's already almost 4 am and I am just now getting tired. This is really wearing me out so so so much. I just work all the time and when I'm not working I'm at drug and alcohol counseling or AA.... and I can't sleep at night when I get off at ten and have to go to bed right away... it just doesn't work for me. Okay, well I guess that's enough bitching about work. I always seem to get into these predicaments with work that seems to rely on me WAY too much. Just today my manager said he was going to promote me to a coach which is really good and I might get employee of the month. I got some AWESOME compliments tonight too. This one couple is even calling corporate to tell them how awesome I am! My manager even came up to me and told me how awesome I was. Which is cool.. but the pay is crap! dammit I'm so confused about what to do.... grrrrrr

*shrieks* So I just received my DVDs in the mail. All of cardcaptor Sakura, All of Outlaw Star, and Appleseed (which I got for free since I spent 250 on CCS) I have my work cut out for me. I can't WAIT to watch CCS, I love that series SO much!!!!! ^______^ I haven't seen that or Outlaw Star in forever, so I'm super pumped. I finished up Saber Marionette J, and I cried like a little school girl. Ugh I can't WAIT until I'm off of probation. I get my license back in December and that is the earliest I can get off of probation. I'm being a good little boy and not doing anything naughty. Work is going good, I'm not making as much money as I'd like but it's that time of year when things slow down. I want to find another way to make money on the side, but I'm not quite sure how... any suggestions?? Well, I guess I'll get going. Ja ne!

Just wanted to update my LJ since it's been a couple weeks. Things are going alright in my life. We're really REALLY short handed at work so they have been working me to the bone. I'm so effing sore it's ridiculous! It's alright money though, but lately the tips haven't been that great. I've only been making like 40 bucks a day. Blaaaaaaaah. Tuesday's are the worst since it's Burger Tuesday, all burgers are 3.99, which means 3 people come in and their bill is only 16 bucks, which means hard work for a 2 or 3 dollar tip. Yuck. Mondays kids eat free too. But yeah, probation is still going on, hopefully it wont be more than a few months til I get off. I really hope so. I've been watching a lot of anime which is good. Catching up on a lot of it. Watched all of Angelic Layer again, watching FF Unlimited which is a little weird but still good. Chobits, Saber Marionette J, Escaflowne. I'm getting all of the Cardcaptor Sakura series which I am SO pumped about!! It's been FOREVER since I've watched all of it! ^___^ And I'm also getting the Outlaw Star dvds too!!! Levi is at work right now, he's doing good too. I'm really happy he has a job. Well, I guess that's about it. Hope everyone is having a great Labor Day weekend, I have to work everyday lol. Well, I'll talk to you all laters

Well, I'm back home. Anime Iowa has passed yet again. I have to say though, this year's anime viewing selection was definitely NOT up to par. I miss the workshops too. I remember doing so much stuff to keep us occupied, but this year it wasn't that great. I still had a blast though, and I got a lot of neat stuff. A lot of it was not what I really wanted though. For example, I bought a Koda Kumi Best CD, that came with a DVD. Well, turns out the DVD is from Taiwan which means it is region 3, which means I can't watch it. My computer is set to Japan region 2 and it only has one change left, and the real DVD player is obviously US region 1. I got to watch it on my dad's laptop (I turned it back to region 1 though) But, it turns out that Miss Koda Kumi is quite the skank. She insists on throwing water on herself in every video and crawling around on bar counters. She is the only Japanese girl I've ever seen with breast implants, and she even did an extremely similar video to Christina Aguilara's "Dirty" video. Not to mention in one of her videos we looked up on YouTube you had to confirm your birthdate and her and 5 other girls were humping each other (with clothes on of course) with gypsy belly dancer garb on. No wonder why they got her to sing the themes to Final Fantasy X-2, they skanktified Yuna and Rikku, why not get a skank to sing the songs??? I was SO disappointed.

I bought an Inu Yasha CD that we thought had all the openings and endings on it, and the guy selling it was all like "Yes, very good CD, all opening and ending on it, very good, you buy now" Turns out it was all the openings and endings, only SYMPHONIC versions without words. It's really pretty though, just not what I expected.

The last thing that was defective was the wonderswan color Final Fantasy II Limited Edition Box I bought. The freaking power button doesn't work. It will turn on, but it will absolutely not turn off!!! I'm getting my money back though, I'm sending it back. I Was really bummed out about it because I've wanted it for a long time, but I'll just find it on ebay, I already looked and found it for 20 dollars cheaper than the stupid guy sold it to me.

BUT, all in all, it was REALLY fun and I had a great time. It was Levi's first con and he had a good time too. I'm all pre registered for next year, so I Can't wait!!! I'm going to try and get a hold of them to give them some suggestions for next year, so they play better anime. I bought a whole bunch of manga too so I was pumped. Well, I guess that's about it. I'm getting the pictures developed so I'll post them as soon as I can! ^____^ Ja ne minna!~

Yay I heart anime so very very much!!!! I wish I had more money to buy stuffs... This year is kind of crappy with the anime they decided to show, but I'm not complaining. The hotel we're staying at is really cool. It's all medieval looking, theres even a moat around the lobby lol. But yes, so far I've boughten the official FFXII sountrack, a Zelda shirt, a Zelda History CD, a moogle and a chocobo pin, a Urahara plushie, some patches, and another copy of Green Legend Ran. Theres a Wonderswan color limited edition Final Fantasy II but it's 85 dollars Im still contemplating. Also, I'm trying to decide between the Escaflowne, Angelic Layer, or Kaleido Star Box Sets..... I cant decide =( lol well I guess we'll see. I'll post again when I get home ^______^ Ja ne minna san~

So I'm at the hotel in Coralville IA, with Levi and my dad. This year kind of sucks, but I'm still glad I'm here. Levi is actually kind of irritating me. We had this big talk the other day about how he can be selfish at times. I brought him here to have a good time, but it's like he cant even spend some time with me. We havent had that much time the past week, I've been working alot and he'll stay up all fucking night and be tired when I get home, then I'll have to work in the morning, and he'll stay up all night. I want him to have fun but I want to have fun too. It's just annoying I guess. I hate probation. Like, we took a shower and he couldn't even lay there with me for awhile, we just fooled around, the he soaped up and went to bed, and I am really irritated. It's stupid. Well, I guess I'll get going, I'll write when I get home =)

YAY Happy St Patties everyone!!!! I had a fun fun fun time!!!! How about you?!?!?!?

So yes. I think I'm going crazy not having a job. I feel so horrible not having enough money to support me and my habits =( I hate bumming around. My boyfriend is making really strange noises at the moment.... O_o... I love him so so so soo so so so so so so so so so so sososo sooooooo MUCH~~~~ XD hehehehe Anywhos, My head is killing me =( I took an advil so hopefully that will kick in. I still havent heard anything about a job, which is a HUGE drag. I've been kind of really bummed out lately ;_; lol but having a job will help and maybe I need to start writing again? Who knows. It's probably due to this stupid winter weve been having *boos the weather* well, I guess I'll let ya'll go now. PEACE LOVE MUSIC

So i got a call back from Fantasy's. I need to get a hol dof Lori on Monday ^_^ I'm still waiting on paypal though. 13 bucks and hour... *drool*. I really want to start doing good in life... not sucking at it so much. I dunno, alots been on my mind and it's just kinda crazy. My life changed alot when Levi came into the picture. That's okay though, maybe I needed a change? I've just been really grouchy with him. Sometimes I just want a break, ya know? I wanna get away for a little bit. I love him, and I see potential. He's an odd ball but I like it that way. *stares at him sleeping at 3 pm... -_-* I've just really been focusing on getting a job. I really need money. I just want to have the things I need and not have to worry about it. Levi and I are in the middle of watching Fushigi Yuugi! That makes me super happy!! He's never seen it before O_O I couldn't believe it. If anyone is bored and wants to see some really funny anime videos, go to youtube or something and type in AMV Hell. hehehehe. Alot of its Azumanga but theres other ones if you look hard enough. Compilations and such. I've also been getting into Gaia online ^_^ if anyones on there find me! (kill_ayeka) SO ANYWAYS~ hows everyone's week going?? Finally the weekend yay. Well, talk to you all later :3

Well hello there. So This is going to be a quick little update but I thoght Id post since I had some time. Things are going good with me and Levi. Im really trying hard to find a job. I really want to get the hell out of my parents house. I know things seem hard at times. I really feel like I am in a slump =P but the great thing about slumps is that eventually, you pull yourself out. So yeah, money is a HUGE issue right now. I feel horrible. I've ditched out on Rei-chan twice now, even tho she was sick one week, I cant go out with friends even if I wanted to. BAH! So I'm sorry if I dont answer the phone or call anyone... its not like i can do anything anyways. Anywho, something my friend (Gunn =D) said really made me start thinking. Does anyone remember that movie Pay it Forward? The one with Helen Hunt? Well, I guess this is on all of you. Every time someone does something nice for you, pay it forward to 2 people. Or even more if you want. Im serious, there is waaay too much negative energy anymore. -sigh- anyways. . . . . . . . . . . . I guess I'll let you all go now. Wish me luck on the job hunt. Where is everyone anyways??? I havent heard from many of you lately~~~

Im a little irritated with the government right now. I dont know if I posted this but I got pulled over for my headlight being out awhile ago. No big deal, I wasn't upset at all, I didnt even know my light was out. Well, I didnt have my proof of insurance on me. Once again no big deal cuz I had that happen to me once before. All I had to do was show them my insurance and poof, all over and done with. Well, that was in Douglas county. I was stopped in Sarpy and when I Went to show them my insurance yesterday, they slapped me with ANOTHER 150$ fine. I dont know what the hell to do... I cant afford this shit. I cant keep doing it. I freaked out on them and told them it was ridiculous. The lady said if i didnt like it I could stay out of the county. OOOOH that made me mad. I told her I dont care HOW stressful this job is, it doesnt give you ANY right to treat people like this. She said shes sick and tired of hearing about Douglas county, and I told her they should take some lessons from douglas and then left. UGH I have to pay it by Feb 21. sigh. well, thats my rant for the day! I just woke up. I fell asleep last night playing the original Final Fantasy. (Origins) I cant beat Chaos... but I'll get him. I rebeat FFIX better than my first time thru. I was proud of myself. I even managed to destroy Ozma AND steal everything from him in the process. Mwahahaha. Ok. well I have to go get ready, I'll talk to you all later. I wish I had my Final Fantasy anime back from Kim I've been wanting to watch it lately ^____^

Well, I've been doing alot of thinking, and this year is going to be big for me. I'm kicking my own ass into gear and I'm going to do it. I'm getting back in school, I'm going to look at colleges and see if my credits can transfer to any community college in the country, and I'm going to start my life. I'm 22. If I would have went straight to college after high school I would have graduated this year. So, I need to start. I want to take japanese. I've been studying on my own and I still have it all. I can do this. I've already emailed my old japanese teacher about job openings and seeing if I could chaperon on one of the trips to Japan. I'm going to get a part time job instead of work full time. I can't do this anymore. So yes, this is my new year. =)